I have been assessed
And I've been believed in
This day
The very first day
In almost three decades
I can hold my head up
And not be ashamed of my defects
I was weighed and deemed worthy
Though I do not believe it
Nor comprehend it
Feel guilt that others have not
But I've been permitted to b r e a t h e
Given time to find my answers
But my chest still hurts
From the exile
Kali Maa clutching my heart
The blood’s dripping out
Seeping into the carpet
But I've no steam left to give into the compulsion to clean it up
My gift, the oxygen, it's soothing
Filling every alveolus of my trusty lungs
Up and down
Allways going
Like I must go
Being pushed by Lady Universe's invisible hand
Gently in the small of my back
Oh, how I've yearned to be held
And gently supported
I can almost hear Barnardo's words “It's gonna be a’right.”
I searched to hear those
Yet I cannot afford to get lulled into a false sense of security, of course!
I still have to fight
Fight for myself because no-one else will
So I must go on and fill out more endless forms, for me
Have more assessments done, by you
Before I can finally return to my own beautiful little world
That I painstakingly crafted all those years ago
Where I'm safe and left alone.
With the briars and the roses embracing it all.
My armour against your “typical” world.
© Iris Overdijk 2025
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